A Q&A SESSION

Okay pal, so what am I supposed to write down?

Honestly, I don’t know the answer, even if I know that I have to do it. What is worth writing down? Everything is the way it is, to a human, to a society, to a timeline of history. But I know I have to do it, I know it! I have to try very hard to ask myself important questions.

Are you bored?

I guess yes.

How to improve?

Such a meaningless question.

Are you being sarcastic?

No, at least not intentional.

Why meaningless?

Because there are more important things to think about and to do than asking if I get bored.

So you are trying to live up to other aims, whoever set them at the very beginning, and you are in reality getting bored.

I would not deny that.

Why are you talking so emotionless?

Am I?

You think you are being objective?

Yes.

Do you echo with the description about psychopaths that they are very good at simulating human emotions?

I might echo with that description, though I am not confident yet this is true about psychopaths.

Do you think you are already very skillful at simulating human emotions?

To some degree, yes.

What is your true desire, happiness, and sadness?

I wanna be a kid. Full of sentiments and curiosity. I wanna appreciate the beauty of the full moon rising up from the top of the snow covered mountain. I wanna be buried with true knowledge about how this world is made up. I wanna live in a place full of music, for sure. I wanna enjoy simple love.

Is the kid a boy or a girl?

Does it have to be a boy or a girl?

No. But if you have to imagine, is the kid a boy or a girl? Of course you can decide not to answer as the best answer.

More likely a boy, or something else. But not a girl.

Have you ever considered death?

Yes.

What goes wrong?

Are you trying to imply that something goes wrong? Is there? Everyone has a reason to live in the way he is living right now. I am not exactly sure what is “going wrong”. Maybe I am just disattached. Maybe I am just tired. Maybe some professional psychologist can identify something “wrong” inside me. I don’t really know.

What do you wanna do?

Well, I know this is a question that should be answered with specificity. Talking to you? I guess that is one of the things I want to do. I don’t know what to expect from it. I just wanna have the conversation. I know you know me. I know even if you know me you still ask me. I know even if you ask me you don’t judge me. Do I do the same thing to you? Who are you?

I am the observer. And yes, all that about me is true. And you know me too. Even if you know me you still ask who I am.

That is the whole point of this Q&A, isn’t it?

Yes. Now I am looking back at the texts I just wrote down and realize that you didn’t answer the question of what is your true sadness. Will you answer that question?

Mine, how to answer this one? My mind is blank, dear, being honest with you my mind is blank.

Do you cry?

Yes.

Do you cry without a clear reason?

Yes, without a clear reason. Vaguely there might be one.

Did you feel that reason or analyze it?

I felt it. After I flet it in the first place, I pretended to analyze it. I didn’t mean to really analyze it, because the analysis just somehow stopped, neither with my intention to stop it nor with my intention to continue it.

Is it fair to call what you felt your true emotion?

Yes.

Do you try to escape?

Yes.

Did you really escape?

No. I would not allow myself to. I have important things to do.

Is it fair to say that even if you have considered death, you still choose life?

Yes, affirmative.

Do you love her?

Yes, I love her. Do you love her?

Yes, I love her.